My therapist told me to love myself

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you." Rupi Kaur

January 28, 2022 // 7:18 pm

Every other Wednesday I meet with my therapist, and it is routine now on how our 50 minute conversation goes. It starts off fine with the typical, "how was your day", and my response is always "Good!" Somehow none of the trauma begins to surface until there's about 10 minutes left in the session, and I begin to just throw millions of curve balls at my therapist.

Thankfully, she's really good at her job.

She is quickly able to find the root of my problem that I speak up about in those 10 minutes, and we can discuss homework for me until I see her next. Last time I met with her, the problem was that I don't love myself.

And yes it does hurt to hear that out loud as much as it does

to say it in your own head.

As an independent woman who has tried her whole life to be the girlfriend, daughter, friend, and sister who is the "strong one," it's never easy hearing that other's can tell you don't think kind things about yourself. Nevertheless, the hard things are always the things we need to hear to heal.

In the last few weeks, that's what I have been doing.

Healing

Forgiving

Working

Loving myself

The process has been hard. It comes with regret of losing so much time when I could have loved myself better. Guilt that I didn't love myself enough to be able to love those around well. It comes with the pain of feeling broken and shameful to not love something that was created with such purpose. Yet, this regret, guilt, shame, and pain has forced me to be vulnerable with myself and others. I have been able to see change. I have been able to feel change. I have been able to express change. I am able to do things that 2 weeks ago, I would have felt nauseous just thinking about it.

After my session, I was able to have a forgiving and understanding conversation with my boyfriend.

Last week, I expressed my feelings towards friends about something that was on my mind.

Yesterday, I went by myself and treated myself to a date.

These things may seem small, but any step is progress. I feel loved. I feel purpose. I feel myself becoming the best version of myself one day at a time.

If you are reading this and relate to any word, know you are not alone. It is a tough time to love yourself, and a tough life to find purpose. I understand, and I am here for you.

Signed Ems